:: 哭泣的星星 ::

2012-01-25T22:19:00.002+08:00

Today, Estee Lauder called and asked why do I want to leave my company.. ㄚㄛㄜㄝ丫ㄨㄨㄨ

God, please give me a reason.

2012-01-24T18:38:00.002+08:00

Since it's Chinese New Year, I've decided to head to the soft drink wholesaler near my place, hoping to lay my hands on a carton of Coke Light. As usual, I looked at all other drinks just to compare prices and alas! Coke Light costs 50% more than Pepsi! I took out my iPhone and started calculating:

Coke Light $0.60 / can (for a carton of 24 cans)
Pepsi $0.40 / can (for a carton of 24 cans)

Being the calculative me, guess what I picked?

2012-01-19T01:45:00.004+08:00

I have been pondering over this topic for months and today, I've decided to put all my thoughts into words. What is the main attribute to look out for in your partner? Most Christians would say that the partner must have the same faith. But, is the really the primary attribute? I know that this is so subjective and debatable, as such, please allow me to pen my thoughts, coming from a male's perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I do not disagree that Christians should not be unequally yoked. In fact, not just Christians, but anyone. The main reason behind the concept of being unequally yoked is simply a difference in values or value system. According to Dr A R Bernard, our value system is the prioritization of our values. Simply put, we may have the same values, but in different order of priority. Hence, if 2 persons have different fundamental values, then their value system will more so be different. On the other hand, even if 2 persons have the same set of fundamental values, their prioritization of the values may still be different. The thing is, how can two walk together unless they agree? As such, being unequally yoked is not a Christian thing, but a human thing. If I value career over family, while you value family over career, such difference affects all couples who intend to stick together for the rest of their lives, regardless of whatever faith you have.

So, what then is the primary attribute? I personally feel that it is the ability for to cling on, which is really lacking in our modern society. It used to be one life, one wife. It used to be that husband and wife had their private savings, but right now, many have added a backdoor to their private stash. It used to be for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, but right now, a vow can be broken if you feel like it. So, what is the meaning of clinging on? While I feel that it means accepting a person as who he is and stick to him no matter what, I think the Bible is more vivid on this:

Ruth 1:16-17
"Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried.
The LORD do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death parts you and me."

This is one of the the most powerful definition of clinging on that I know of, if not, the most powerful. Why do I feel that this attribute is far more important than some Christians' claim on not being unequally yoked? Generally speaking, Christians do divorce for whatever reasons, but there are non-Christians who enjoy a wonderful marriage till death do them part. Moreover, according to the definition in Ruth, because of your partner's love for you, your God shall be her God. Some die-hard Christians may go on to argue that my potential partner might be coming to church for my sake, then that is not genuine salvation. The question is, how do I even know that yours is genuine? Don't forget, Ruth became part of the lineage of Jesus Christ. Maybe, those Christians can challenge Jesus on the genuineness of Ruth's salvation?

Another side example on clinging on is the example of Elisha. Who is he? The Bible says that Elisha was 'plowing with twelve yoke of oxen', so he was probably a farmer, a person of the world. But Elijah passed by him and threw his mantle on him, and Elisha 'became his servant'. Before Elijah was taken up to heaven, Elisha said 'as the LORD lives, and as your soul lives, I will not leave you', and he said that not just once, but 3 times. In fact, after he had taken up the mantle of Elijah, he said 'where is the LORD God of Elijah'? Some die-hard Christians would thus criticize on the genuineness of Elisha's salvation because of this, moreover, he was only a servant to Elijah. But, Elisha performed twice as many miracles as Elijah and became one of the most powerful prophets.

I don't think God is so rigid in the way we find our soul mate, but many a time, we are. Yes, I agree that the partner should share the same values (which sharing the same faith is a subset of this), but I think that the most important attribute in my soul mate is the ability to cling on in spite of all my imperfections. Of course, I need to cling on too.

2012-01-01T23:36:00.005+08:00

2012年的第一篇文章 – 回顧2011，探索2012

2011年總的來說是一個莫名其妙的一年。為什麼用莫名其妙來形容呢? 因為這樣比較有文學感。2011年原本預定要準備結婚，不過又莫名其妙的被甩了。在我的百科全書裡，咳嗽是個問號。不過在我被甩後的幾個禮拜，我患了支氣管炎，連續咳了幾個禮拜，早咳，晚咳，老咳，咳他媽的咳 (引自【茶館】)。那時候，我的上司看到我面無血色，她帶了許多中藥給我，而我也因此被感動了。不過，到了年底，我卻又莫名其妙的對她產生反感，她也莫名其妙的偶爾找麻煩，所以，我們的關係也變得莫名的奇妙。

原本在2010年請了一個月的假要準備GMAT，可是卻因為談了一段莫名其妙的感情而放棄了，而今年的12月29日，我鼓起勇氣去考，卻考了莫名其妙的520分。我的MBA夢似乎更加的遙遠，這個夢看似更荒唐。沒錯，我的生命本身就是莫名其妙的荒唐。ㄎ

在這裡告訴大家一個秘密；我跟數字四很有緣。首先，我的手機號碼有四，我以前的學生證號碼有四，我的NTU學號有四，我以前住四樓，我的駕照在第四次才考到，我一家四口，我的信用卡號一大堆四，我的小組號碼剛好有四，2011剛好是小組成立的第四年。我在2012年正式踏入社會第四年，也剛好是我在教會的第十四個年頭，如果今年MBA的申請過關，那我將成為 Class of 2014，好像剛好又有個四! 今年，我們四目以待!

下一篇，我將會分享我對另一伴最主要的要求。

P.S. 其實我的塗鴉板還在，請按 '你的筆跡' 進入，然後留言。上次的留言竟然是 30 March 2011，oh my 天

2011-09-08T23:58:00.010+08:00

用美來形容妳，實在不足以表達妳的美。

妳的微笑，是那麼的甜美又真誠。只要早上進門看到妳，所有的疲憊竟也突離而去。妳說的沒錯，妳是個文靜又內向的女孩。一絲微笑後，妳總是羞澀地將視線轉移，靦腆地繼續做妳該做的東西。或許妳不知道，就是這絲羞澀，就是這點靦腆，加上如蜜糖的甜美，我每天不得不多看妳幾眼。才漸漸發現，原來妳會讓人越看越美麗，越看越動心。原來看妳，已經成為每天的動力。

碰到妳的時候，我總是會直望妳的雙眸。淺咖啡色的瞳孔，彷彿讓我一眼看見妳的心靈。妳的秀髮，總是隨著妳的步伐飄之而去。常常，妳會蹦蹦跳的離去，成熟的女性卻散發著一絲稚氣，好不優雅，好不秀氣。

就算我能洋洋灑灑的寫出妳的美麗，那還是不足以道盡。如果妳能完全的相信我，在我面前完全做自己，完全放鬆，我想我能將妳拍成不朽的專輯。並不是相機的性能，更不是我的技巧，而是妳的嫵媚動人，打動了千萬人。

2011-09-05T21:17:00.004+08:00

有人問我，為什麼都不寫東西了。

不，不是我不願意，而是這陣子，在我心中醞釀的，在我腦海繚繞的，我似乎都無法表達，無法像以往一樣寫出來。以前，我雖然不會寫歌，但至少寫作還能勉強應付。現在，想寫出心中和腦海的東西，似乎困難重重，似乎生命裡的某個環節斷了。或許，這是心死的一種症狀。

值得慶幸的是，我還沒腦死。我希望，慢慢的，我能再次寫東西。我希望，周遭的事物都還能感動我，這樣我才能寫出來自內心的感動，借此感動妳的心。

2011-07-17T21:33:00.006+08:00

為什麼全世界都在叫她放手呢?

不，不要誤會，懂得放手才能再一次握手，牽手，緊緊相擁。不過，為什麼上帝沒這麼對我說呢? 祂對說我要有忠誠的心，對祂如此，對人如此，對公司也是如此。所以，是我聽錯了，還是有人講錯了? 還是什麼?

所以，現在不同人講不同的話。我想，其實這些話都來自上帝。因為，上帝都在每個人生命中的不同階段進行不同的工作。

1 凡事都有定期，天下萬務都有定時。
2 生有時，死有時；栽種有時，拔出所栽種的也有時；
3 殺戮有時，醫治有時；拆毀有時，建造有時；
4 哭有時，笑有時；哀慟有時，跳舞有時；
5 拋擲石頭有時，堆聚石頭有時；懷抱有時，不懷抱有時；
6 尋找有時，失落有時；保守有時，捨棄有時；
7 撕裂有時，縫補有時；靜默有時，言語有時；
8 喜愛有時，恨惡有時；爭戰有時，和好有時。

那就這樣吧。

2011-07-11T18:25:00.004+08:00

1992年的夏天，我來到了新加坡..

2011-07-03T19:14:00.008+08:00

今天看見了妳。這是繼3個月後第一次見到妳。早上在教會裡的時候，我以為我很ok，不過贊美與敬拜後，我才知道我只是以為。下午在生日會上看到妳，我突然感到一層很深的寂寞，差點沒崩潰。

我相信只要曾經義無返顧去愛過的人都知道，給出去的是拿不回來的。給出去的一顆心，留下來的空洞，我想這很深層的寂寞或許就是這樣來的吧? 還好我的專長就是跑回家哭..

2011-06-01T10:24:00.002+08:00

昨天和同事一起吃晚餐的時候，有個新同事問我幾歲。她說我看起來蒼老、憔悴。

這已經是繼美西後第二個人這麼說我了。【海角七號】說到，海風一直吹，所以一哭出來的眼淚便乾掉了，而哭不出來的眼淚讓人變得更蒼老。可是，我明明有在哭。還是說，其實還有很多，還有更多的眼淚還沒哭出來? 那麼，我又要如何釋放他們呢?

2011-05-31T19:28:00.003+08:00

昨晚，我做夢了。

我和一個女孩子處得很好，她的父母也很喜歡我。可是，我竟然對那個女孩說我還在等人，所以不能和她在一起，因為這樣對她很不公平。夢醒後，想起了我在五月三十日也發表了類似的文章。

最近，有人問我如果我沒有來新加坡，如果我從小到大都在台灣，我的人生將會是怎樣的? 會比較好嗎? 我的回答是，我現在的人生，就是最好的。沒錯，我並不知道如果我當初選了另一條路，人生會是怎樣的。我知道會是很不一樣的，不過，並不會更好會更壞，只是不一樣，因為上帝眷顧著我，不管我選擇了什麼，選擇了誰，那都將是最好的選擇。所以，我不曾後悔，因為只要是我做了選擇，那將是最好的。或許你會認為我唬爛，不過從小到大幾乎所有的決定都是由我自己做選擇的，哪怕有些選擇是好的，有些是壞的，不過到最後，一切都會變得很好。所以，我不會走，我會待在原地等待，因為我已經做了選擇。沒錯，我現在沒資格，可是以後就不一定了。

我前一篇文章是【不能沒有你】的影評。這是一部關於一對父女的故事，改編自社會真實故事。這部電影，我哭得好用力。令我最感動的地方，就是那位小女孩。僅僅七歲的她，被社會局強制從她的父親身邊奪走，寄放到寄養家庭。她的功課很好，可是她就是不願意跟任何人交談，社會局因此十分注重她的身心成長。社會局因此為她換了四個寄養家庭。這些家庭的特徵都是，他們沒有小孩，而他們非常像要小孩，因此他們對小女孩的關懷是無微不至的。可是，女孩卻無聲的抗議，無聲的向社會局抗議，因為他們逼著他們強制分開。一個七歲的小女孩，沒有受到誘惑。他的父親沒讀過書，得過著清苦的生活。跟這四個寄養家庭比起，真的是天壤之別。然而，年僅七歲的小女孩選擇了她的父親。

有一天父親和小女孩在屋頂吹海風，父親便問到:

父親：妹仔，妳看得到我嗎？
女兒：看得到啊
父親：海那麼深，妳怎麼看得到？
女兒：我一直看、一直看、一直看……就看得到

我不知道妳在哪裡，不過，我一直看一直看，一直等一直等，就看得到了，就等得到了...

2011-05-29T14:42:00.006+08:00

人與人之間的距離，可以說很多故事，這一點，《不能沒有你》的導演戴立忍很明白，也掌握得極精準。

《不能沒有你》的開場戲來自於一齣新聞事件的電視實況轉播，一位中年男子李武雄背著女兒妹仔走上台北火車站前立體行車道上的天橋，手裡拿著美工刀，嘴上喊著社會不公，七歲女兒的臉上滿是驚慌，嘴裡一直叫著爸爸，爸爸......。

男子悲憤的原因是：妹仔的戶口歸在女友名下，但是女友的婚姻登記欄內是另外一位先生，那兩人卻已音訊全無，依照戶籍法規規定，妹仔的撫養權屬於那名從來不曾亮相的陌生男子，不是他，所以社會局人員依兒童福利法規定必需強行帶走妹仔，以國家之力來照顧小女孩。

但是父女倆早已習慣相依為命的生活，日子雖清苦，卻能苦中作樂，甘之如飴，而且透過ＤＮＡ鑑定，父女血緣並無疑義，公務人員卻死守法令，不容許其他解釋，李武雄面對的是既要「生離」，不如「死別」的悲憤，因為他已盡全力爭取留下妹仔，弱勢的他卻完全無法與國家抗衡，他那種「不能沒有你」的哀鳴，在遙遠與陌生的人群眼中完全沒有辦法換得同情，甚至在ＳＮＧ的現場直播畫面中，成了中年男子帶女兒跳天橋尋死的「鬧劇」（新聞記者的對真相的無知「距離」，卻也構成了這對弱勢父女，完全意想不到的冷嘲熱諷）。

李武雄的所有抗爭終告無效，他無法留住妹仔，但是妹仔對父親的思念與依靠極深，《不能沒有你》的終場戲是社工人員終於帶著妹仔，等著出港的李武雄返回。

每天在心裡只想說聲「妹呀，爸爸好想妳」的李武雄終於能夠見到女兒時，他會做出什麼真情流露的動作呢？

沒有，他沒有任何「戲劇化」的動作，在歸程的海域上，李武雄似乎就遠遠望見了曾經熟悉至極的人影佇立在岸邊，那是他朝思暮想的妹仔，於是他站上了船頭，然後船隻慢慢靠近岸邊，他沒有再做任何動作，就一直就站在船頭凝望，沒有揮手，沒有呼叫；同樣地，妹仔也是靜靜立在岸邊，等船泊岸，沒有呼叫，亦沒有揮手。

理應是心情最激動的一刻，卻是最冷靜的肢體對應，為什麼？

這一幕，對我而言，其實是《不能沒有你》最沈痛，也最有力的一擊，因為冷靜，壓抑和麻木，才讓人感受到最最無言的痛。

人生相愛，不論是親情或愛情，理所當然想要緊緊相擁，彼此不想有任何空隙，也不想有任何距離，那是真情流露下的必然肢體反應，妹仔和李武雄從高雄浪跡台北的所有的歷程，都是緊密牽靠，不可湏臾分離，硬被扯分離後，李武雄雖有受挫的不堪與無奈，但是沒有放棄找尋，於公，他要爭取社工人員的同情與諒解，於私，他走遍各所學校，尋訪被社工另行安置，和其他小朋友一起接受國民教育的妹仔，他倦極累極，可是父女人倫是天性，他不會放棄，只是毫無所獲。

父女終於相逢，久懸的心終於可以放下，那是何等感人的場景，一旦高喊，一旦狂奔，那就掉入「灑狗血」的傳統框架中了，《不能沒有你》的導演戴立忍踩了剎車，他沒有放縱演員做激情演出，反而是目瞪口呆的極靜默對，只有雙目直視，別無激情波動，那是百感交集後已經不知如何反應的極度震撼。

愛到極點，卻也痛到極點時，字典中再無一字可形容，語彙再無一詞可達意，李武雄和妹仔的沈默安靜，不但不是親情疏遠之後的清冷，反而是內心澎湃之後，最沈痛的一種姿態，老子道德經中所說：「...大巧若拙，大辯若訥。躁勝寒，靜勝熱，清靜為天下正。」或者美國作家有亨利‧詹姆士（Henry James）在「仕女圖（The Portrait of Lady）」中所說的：「There are moments in our life when even Schubert has nothing to say to us...（生命中總有就連舒伯特也無言以對的時刻）。」無非就是如此。

低微，並不代表微弱，流不出的眼淚，或許才比嚎啕更加傷痛，人生的歎息，可以極低微，卻一點不渺小，比對李武雄父女的身姿，你可以明白《不能沒有你》用最安靜的筆觸，寫出了人生最沈重的一聲歎息，那就是生命的藝術了。

摘自 http://atomcinema.pixnet.net/blog/post/25423142

2011-05-22T00:04:00.004+08:00

這兩個禮拜，我陷入了憂鬱。

我開始畏懼黑夜，因為我無法入眠。不管我把自己弄得多累，不管我如何說服我自己，我的雙眼始終闔不起來。白天，我不懂得如何強顏歡笑，我不懂得要如何快樂，我失去了生命的重心，我迷失了方向，我找不到堅強的理由。親愛的，告訴我，我該如何是好? 如果可以，請帶我到生命的盡頭，至少生命有個盡頭。

最近，魚尾紋已開始出現，可能是哭得太用力的關係吧。我以為我可以重新爬起來，看來我錯了。我已失去了瀟灑，我不知道我在執著什麼，或許，這就是我的宿命。我無處可逃，我沒有家，我得獨自面對這一切。我找不到慰藉，只能躲在房間裡暗泣。原來我並沒有那麼堅強，原來我是那麼的懦弱。我想逃，可是我能逃到哪?

我想，我已漸漸失去妳。當妳在追逐妳的夢想，當妳在天上飛，我卻在原地打轉，裹足不前。當陽光和彩虹絢爛地灑在妳的生命裡，我的世界卻只是黑白的。我看著鏡子裡的人，他以淚洗面，悲傷已讓他蒼老許多，又或許是心碎。一個人的心寒，孤獨的絕望，正帶著他走向死亡。

2011-05-15T23:07:00.005+08:00

昨天去 Arif 的家，看到他的浴室裡有個比我還長的浴缸，oh my 天! 以後有機會的話，我覺得應該要有一個。

其實，一間房子只要有一些象徵性的東西，就會讓整個房子感覺像個窩，像個能放鬆的地方。不需要有太多的家具，因為這樣會看起來雜亂不堪，尤其新加坡的組屋那麼小。浴缸會讓妳感覺很度假，一張很拉風的沙發會讓妳覺得置身在 pub，幾盞藝術燈會讓妳覺得在藝術的空間裡，等等等等。

不過，房子沒有珍貴的妳，始終是一間房子，無法變成家。

2011-05-14T14:31:00.005+08:00

對部落格稍微做了點改變，雖然改變不多。

這裡大致上還是黑灰色的，象徵著我喜歡的清淡素雅。不過，音樂改變了，背景圖案改變了，象徵了我開始對韓流的接受與愛戴，象徵了我願意從我的鄉間小巷走進繁華都市。曾經，妳喜歡的，我都沒有努力的去喜歡，現在才發現，我其實能接受許多的不同，甚至喜歡上了它們。不過，都無所謂了。

這只是改變的開始，改變是一輩子的，改變，是保留給心愛的人的。

2011-04-29T11:20:00.003+08:00

這整個禮拜，美西每天都會問我康復得如何。她說我看起來蒼白，憔悴。可是我明明上個禮拜就去聖淘沙曬到脫皮，又怎麼會蒼白呢? 她帶了好多草藥給我，幫我補肺，補免疫系統，補五行。真是有那麼一點的感動。

我知道她已經通融我到了極點，因為我每天都不加班，所以我的同事就幫我找藉口，說我去幫忙拉票。

昨天跟小組看了Thor，突然發現，這是我康復過程的第一場電影，因為我可能不太敢踏進電影院。看了電影，左鄰右舍都沒什麼反應，倒是我的淚水不小心地流淌。

又是一個漫長的周末，一個人的流浪，雜亂的步伐。我對著鏡子微笑，因為會微笑的燕子真的很奇妙。

2011-04-28T08:59:00.003+08:00

家，是一個放心的地方。

每次一開起重重的木門，就會有一種味道撲鼻而來，我的心也就跟著放了下來，防衛也降到了最低。或許這不是我的家，不過這至少是我的狗窩。或許是一種氣息，一種氛圍，讓我能自我，放下一切的面具，誠實的面對自己。

已經一個月了，而家，就是我的庇護所，我的角落，暗泣的角落。我不知道這段日子我在哪流浪，只知道家是我最嚮往的地方。

一封封情書穿越緩慢的時空，代替我來不及說的含情脈脈。我相信離開終究會有始有終，有一天我將能為你描寫彩虹。我知道回去不一定一路順風，只希望有天好好梳妳的白頭。

2011-04-25T12:14:00.003+08:00

就快一個月了，我也病得快一個月了。從來不咳嗽的我，竟然連肺都咳了出來。或許因為這樣，所以我有的時候是陷入憂鬱的。不過，最厲害的是，我竟然發現我陷入了憂鬱。

昨天是復活節，我似乎在眼淚中也復活了。這幾天吃的藥，讓我在夢幻和現實中徘徊。雖然藥性強，可是我卻每個小時撐開雙眼，彷彿死不瞑目。所以哪天如果我嗝屁了，請先不要辦後事，因為我應該還是會跳起來的。是生命力頑強呢，還是不甘心? 我想，我不甘心我沒有好好的呵護妳，我不甘心我傷害了妳，讓你受不必要的委屈。

是時候了，一百八十天的改變、重建。搞不好我會出家喔，像新少林寺裡的劉德華，雖然范冰冰實在是有點漂亮，漂亮得讓人捨不得。

2011-04-21T22:24:00.003+08:00

剛看了【拍賣青春】，哭了。

如果明天是我在世上的最後一天，妳願意陪我嗎? 是同情，還是愛?

2011-04-15T11:58:00.005+08:00

剛才在美西的辦公室裡，她跟我聊了一個多小時，跟我聊了她在 CFO Conference 裡所學到的東西，聊了她如何看待在泰國，馬來西亞和香港分公司裡的人的看法，跟我聊了何謂領導人，還有領導人應有的質。

我聽了，既感慨又開心，開心是因為她對我的接納與賞識，她願意接納一個支離破碎的人，她看得到我的潛能與未來。感慨的是，我只能在工作被接受，無法在工作以外被接受，美西願意給我機會，可是工作以外，我卻是個豪不起眼的東西。沒錯，我只是個什麼都不是的東西。

但工作不是最重要的，最重要的是上帝與家庭，而我卻無法建立一個家庭。

妳在天上飛，我在心裡追。已經沒有誰錯誰對，因為愛，耶穌捨棄了祂的權力，將自己給了我們。我唯有的權力，就是無條件地愛。

2011-04-09T00:00:00.001+08:00

I have a beloved friend, whom I've met in NTU, whose partner happened to be my primary school buddy's buddy. She is going through what I'm going through now, except that the gender has swapped.

They have been together since JC days, and I don't think they don't love each other, so I suggested separation, but she said:

6 months..
i dont think i can do it..
unless it is break up

This struck me.

2011-04-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

Today marks the 10th day of my grieving.

Wanna thank the brothers, who poured their love onto me, who showered their care and concern as though to an orphan. Thank you for taking turn to visit me, to talk to me, to spend time with me, to give me space and time. It is as though there was an invisible duty roster.

Your encouragement has given me strength, your messages are like love letter. I can't believe guys can write like this, to another guy I mean. Thank you for always being there, thank you for willing to walk with me, coz you know that I won't allow any opposite gender to come in. No, not even near.

Thank you.

2011-04-07T19:05:00.001+08:00

七個月對一個人的生命來說，佔了多少份量?
而一個人在另一個人的生命裡，又能佔多少份量?
如果她能活到八十歲，那麼七個月對她來說，只佔了大概八十分之一。
而她在我的生命裡出現了七個月，也只佔了大概八十分之一嗎?

對不起，我的數學很差。
因為我算出來的答案，是永遠。

只是，說再見的當下，那個人在你生命中的份量會不會改變?
答案是會的。
因為那份量只會變得更重，而不會變輕。

橙色四月，染了灰
我在天空底下，枯萎
腳下畫了噴彩的鞋，印子卻失了妝顏
星星亂跑，遺落憶圓的月
溪水在跳舞，尖石鋪上一層浴簾

扯亂電話線，接通天的另一邊
我親愛的妳，我深愛的妳
我的翅膀早以振不出弧線，飛翔是過去奢華的歲月

我站在原地，不發一語的等待，妳曾經的依戀
是癡所為，是癡所為

我在人間，妳在天
在天上的妳，看不見人間的我的癡累
是啊，是啊
妳在天上飛，我卻在心裡追

2011-04-06T00:00:00.003+08:00

昨天晚上，我需要妳。
前天晚上也是，大前天晚上也是，大大前天晚上也是。
可是，妳只剩下一個電子郵件信箱位址，
幾個英文字母，幾個點，一個@。

我被遺忘，被妳遺忘，遺忘在一條名叫傷慟的路上。
那遠到看不見的盡頭，妳可在那個地方?

我成天成夜，聽著時間的呼吸，用哭白了的髮，寫寂寞的詩。
溫暖的清晨同樣，溫暖的西暮同樣，搖椅上的我一樣，而我冷冷地望。
我裹著兩人份的被單，作著一個人的夢。
詩難不惆悵，人難不拾殤。

現在，我必須流浪，像個無依無靠的孩子一樣。
原來人生也是有向光性的，心會尋找一個發亮的地方。
只是，沒有人告訴我，那發亮的地方在哪，
但我曾經隱約的感覺到，那個地方在妳身上。

鄭愁予寫說:
離別已裝滿行李，我已不能流浪。
我寧願依著影子向草垛，夜夜，夜夜，
任妳把我的生命，零星的，織進網。

原來我已經把一個人的生命織進自己的靈魂，
或許妳的生命依然是妳的，但我卻覺得，妳活在我靈魂裡的某一個地方。

我想再見到妳，妳聽見了嗎？

這是一道三千三百公里的傷口，
從地鐵離開的那一瞬間就被撕開。

我希望以後，我們會在第一次相遇的地方，把這道傷口彌補起來，用我們的愛。

2011-03-29T23:59:00.003+08:00

It was 7 months and 10 days, it was on Ching Yuan and Steph's wedding anniversary, it was the toughest decision to make, because no one likes separation. So, what happened?

It is said that love conquers all, but the truth is, I haven't, and I have just begun when I accepted the decision, because this is the best she can handle, and hence I wanna accept the best of her. All these while, I have demanded more of her, without first demanding on myself. I haven't accepted the way she is and who she is. As a result, I picked on many little things, and quarrels became frequent.

The separation is necessary, because with my current self, I will not be able to sustain any relationship, let alone marriage. Because of who I am, I have disqualified myself to be her soul mate. In other words, I am not fit because I am not able to guide, to guard or to govern. I am not able to be the prophet, priest and king. Instead of being her tower of refuge, I have become her bondage.

For the next 6 to 12 months, it will be a time of breaking and sifting, and whatever is not right has to be sifted out. I have much character flaws, and because God sees right into the future, He has to intervene right now, before a catastrophe breaks out.

Thank God that it is not a no, it is a not yet. Thank God for Eze 37, that even though the bones were indeed very dry, yet God says 'prophesy'. O Lord God, you know. But He knows the way that I take, when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

I need to enlarge and refine my capacity, care (love) and character. I need to be broken to the core of my being.

I have been crying day and night, and each time I thought I was alright, tears came streaming down. If I think that I'm going through a tough time, she is going through a even tougher time. I hope that one day, I can become a rainbow.

2010-08-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

3,300 公里的距離

已經追尋了那麼遠，已經等待了那麼久，哪怕再多的等候，也無法澆熄我熾熱的心。我明白，我願意，我愛妳。

2010-08-14T23:03:00.004+08:00

Today, I couldn't turn up at the place where I'm supposed to be. Today, there was conflict within me. As much as I wanted to go and unwilling to stay, my reluctance gave in.

I stayed, because I don't want to visit zebra, and I don't think Changi is exactly the place where they want to be.

3,300 公里的距離

2010-08-12T13:50:00.000+08:00

3,300 公里的距離

2010-07-26T16:00:00.004+08:00

Recently, I outrightly rejected a girl three times in a row.

It could well be my fault. All I wanted to do was to reciprocate her kindness, since she would always bring candies for my team. She is a manager, and I needed to ensure good client relationship so that she would treat my team nicely and assist promptly. And so, I gave in to her choco request.

Once she told me that I have brightened up her day, my response was 'errrrr'. Once she asked me to check out the desert at the canteen, I asked my assistant to reply instead. Once she asked me to a bar at Chevron House, I told her if and only if I'm back in ORQ. (She knew that I would probably be back only next year). Once she asked me out for lunch, I said I have friends. Once she stopped by to say hi, I didn't turn around.

I guess it's more than three times. Contrary to popular belief, I don't give in to any girl. I am reserved.

2010-06-06T22:38:00.004+08:00

聽說有人說我的詞寫得不怎樣，甚至用'俗'來形容。

其實，我承認。雖說知書達禮稱不上，四書五經更是一竅不通，但唐詩宋詞略懂，現代文學稍懂，語文掌握微懂，不會不懂裝懂。對語言小心嚴謹，對語文追究到底，律人不如律己。總的來說，就是不願成為金玉其外，敗絮其中。孔先生的論語至今令我反覆咀嚼:

「弟子入則孝，出則弟，謹而信，汎愛眾，而親仁。行有餘力，則以學文。」

P.S. 最漂亮的詞其實都非常簡單，因為語言的美就在於用最簡練的字來表達最深動的情

2010-05-31T22:55:00.006+08:00

【目送】著: 龍應台

有些路啊，只能一個人走，我慢慢地、慢慢地瞭解到，所謂父女母、子女一場，只不過意味著，你和他的緣分就是今生今世不斷地在目送他的背影漸行漸遠。

華安上小學第一天，我和他手牽著手，穿過好幾條街，到維多利亞小學。

九月初，家家戶戶院子裡的蘋果和梨樹都綴滿了拳頭大小的果子，枝枒因為負重而沉沉下垂，越出了樹籬，勾到過路行人的頭髮。

很多很多的孩子，在操場上等候上課的第一聲鈴響。小小的手，圈在爸爸的、媽媽的手心裡，怯怯的眼神，打量著周遭。他們是幼稚園的畢業生，但是他們還不知道一個定律：一件事情的畢業，永遠是另一件事情的開啟。

鈴聲一響，頓時人影錯雜，奔往不同方向，但是在那麼多穿梭紛亂的人群裡，我無比清楚地看著自己孩子的背影──就好像在一百個嬰兒同時哭聲大作時，母親仍舊能夠準確聽出自己孩子哭聲的位置。

華安背著一個五顏六色的書包往前走，但是他不斷地回頭；好像穿越一條無邊無際的時空長河，他的視線和我凝望的眼光隔空交會。我看著他瘦小的背影消失在門裡。

十六歲，他到美國作交換生一年。我送他到機場，別時，照例擁抱，我的頭只能貼到他的胸口，好像抱住了長頸鹿的腳。他很明顯地在勉強忍受母親的深情。

他在長長的行列裡，等候護照檢驗；我就站在外面，用眼睛跟著他的背影一寸一寸往前挪。終於輪到他，在海關窗口停留片刻，然後拿回護照，閃入一扇門，倏忽不見。我一直在等候，等候他消失前的回頭一瞥。但是他沒有，一次都沒有。

現在他二十一歲，上的大學，正好是我教課的大學。即使同路，他不搭我的車。即使同車，他戴上耳機.... 只一個人聽音樂，有時他在對街等候公車，我從高樓的窗口往下看：一個高高瘦瘦的青年，眼睛望向灰色的海；我只能想像，他的內在世界和我的一樣波濤深邃，但是，我進不去。一會兒公車來了，擋住了他的身影。車子開走，一條空蕩蕩的街，只立著一只郵筒。

我慢慢、慢慢地瞭解到，所謂父女母子一場，只不過意味著，你和他的緣分就是今生今世不斷地在目送他的背影漸行漸遠。你站立在小路的這一端，看著他逐漸消失在小路轉彎的地方，而且，他用背影默默告訴你：不必追。

我慢慢、慢慢地意識到，我的落寞，彷彿和另一個背影有關。

博士學位讀完之後，我回台灣教書。到大學報到第一天，父親用他那輛運送飼料的廉價小貨車長途送我。到了我才發覺，他沒開到大學正門口，而是停在側門的窄巷邊。卸下行李之後，他爬回車內，準備回去，明明啟動了引擎，卻又搖下車窗，頭伸出來說：「女兒，爸爸覺得很對不起你，這種車子實在不是送大學教授的車子。」

我看著他的小貨車小心地倒車，然後噗噗駛出巷口，留下一團黑煙。直到車子轉彎看不見了，我還站在那裡，一口皮箱旁。

每個禮拜到醫院去看他，是十幾年後的時光了。推著他的輪椅散步，他的頭低垂到胸口。有一次，發現排泄物淋滿了他的褲腿，我蹲下來用自己的手帕幫他擦拭，裙子也沾上了糞便，但是我必須就這樣趕回台北上班。護士接過他的輪椅，我拎起皮包，看著輪椅的背影，在自動玻璃門前稍停，然後沒入門後。

我總是在暮色沉沉中奔向機場。

火葬場的爐門前，棺木是一只巨大而沉重的抽屜，緩緩往前滑行。沒有想到可以站得那麼近，距離爐門也不過五公尺。雨絲被風吹斜，飄進長廊內。我掠開雨濕了前額的頭髮，深深、深深地凝望，希望記得這最後一次的目送。

2010-05-30T00:31:00.007+08:00

Last night, I had a dream.

I was with a girl, and as I kissed her and got intimate with her, she asked me, 'do you love me?' Right there and then, I stopped and looked at her, as I found myself speechless. That was probably the most difficult question. The great divide between the head and the heart, is the great divide between love and lust.

'Peter, do you love me?'

2010-05-04T22:01:00.004+08:00

這禮拜翹班，感覺只有一個字，爽。

昨天坐在咖啡店裡，看完了【六弄咖啡館】。本想痛哭流涕，卻發覺周圍的阿伯一定會認為我瘋了，所以只好趕緊逃離現場。其實，愛情真的好脆弱。

今天看完了 The King's Nun，到了節尾的時候，我稍微鯁噎了。從小到大我不曾看書，除了課本，連 Roald Dahl 的書都沒看過。國中的時候，我鼓起勇氣，看了【紙牌的秘密】，花了我幾天幾夜。我的語文程度之爛，可想而知。中文爛，英文更是爛到不行。所以，這次花了將近六個小時看完這本僅有280頁的書，真是一大奇蹟。

今天，也看了【人之島】，這是繼【等待飛魚】後的另一部關於蘭嶼的電影，依然是那麼的漂亮，那麼的溫馨。

最近很迷惘，找不到方向，找不到出路，不知何時動身，不知動身與否，不知動身於何。這幾天都睡不著，還好喝了一瓶500 cc Asahi，神志就會不清了。感謝媽咪幫我將啤酒偷渡。

啤酒其實是不苦的。之所以苦，是因為已經被氧化了 (oxidize)。所以，為了讓啤酒更好喝，有人就發明了 Shandy。可是，外面的 Shandy 一般都不好喝，因為它們喜歡調 6:4 或 7:3，可是，這種調法顯然太甜，所以，我建議8:2。生啤酒 (draft beer) 是最好喝也最不苦的，5度C是最佳的溫度，一分鐘內不喝完，就會變苦了。所以，我的喝法是，一開罐就先喝，喝了一分鐘後，開始倒入雪碧，這樣即使等下慢慢喝也不覺得太苦。

我離題了。

我還在尋找那條光明大道，還在尋找我要的藍天綠地(不是國民黨或民進黨)，尋找我想呵護，也會呵護我的人。2012年我將起程，如果到時還是瀟灑的一個人，或許我會跟自由女神結緣作伴。

2010-04-22T22:55:00.006+08:00

And so, my counsellor called me a moment ago asking, 'are you going to organize a strike, or are you going to boycott the firm?'

In dismay, I asked her what happened. She said that most Admin Officers and some managers are spreading that. So, being my nice counselor, she needed to check things out. It all started when I sent this e-mail:

Dear XX,

I'm writing with regards to the utilization of TOIL.

Last year, we were told that our TOIL was extended to June this year, as the firm was severely short-handed. The promise was to tide through the peak, and we could go for our break during the off-peak season.

However, this year, we were told that we are not allowed to block leave for TOIL, and we are still short-handed. I have accumulated about 400 hours of TOIL, and I was told by the AO that I'm not allowed to utilize them till further notice.

Since December 2009, many of us have toiled day and night including weekends. We haven't had a real weekend since then, except during the Chinese New Year period. We all looked forward to a good break after months of relentless hard work, and that spurred us on. But, the inability to utilize TOIL has saddened, discouraged and disappointed many of us. Somehow, things are not quite the same as what we were told.

We have carried forward our TOIL from 2009 to 2010, and even in 2010, we are not allowed to clear. As a result of the carry forward, many of us have a few hundred hours of TOIL. May I know when can we have our break?

Cheers,
dennis

followed by..

Hi YY,

Thanks for the e-mail.

In my opinion, indefinite extension of cut-off date for the utilization of TOIL and AL does not address the problem at all. It merely postpones the problem by sweeping it under the carpet for another year.

Do you know how tired the assurance staffs are? Tired is an understatement. Unless a practical solution is adopted, the state of the firm will be always as such, i.e. the outflow of staff outweighs the inflow.

Cheers,
dennis

If one day you don't see me around any more, I hope you know why..

2010-04-10T13:24:00.004+08:00

Soggy fries

While most people favor fries that are hot and crispy, I too like fries, but soggy fries. What so nice about soggy fries? One might ask.

When I was young, I was brought up in a homestay, and it was there I met John. John used to go out in the evening and come back late in the night, and before he left, he would ask what he could bring home for me. Young as I may be, the most heavenly food would probably be fries, something that my weekly pocket money of $5 could not possibly afford.

And so, every other week, John would bring back a large packet of fries. More often than not, I would have tugged in by the time he returned. And so, gently he would wake me, and in my half asleep mode, I began to chew on the soggy and cold fries, but my heart was warmed.

It is not the fries but the gesture, kindness and love. Till today, I still prefer fries. Soggy ones please.

2010-04-03T20:47:00.005+08:00

今天看了實踐劇場的年度大戲【聊齋】。去年的這個時候，我正一把鼻涕一把淚地看著【天冷就回來】，劇情變了，情感依舊。

【聊齋】描述了愛，透過了人與精的愛，描述了愛的偉大，描述了一段從陽間追到陰間的愛，描述了愛的等待。人生如戲，戲如人生。為何要花巨資去看舞台劇? 為何不花區區幾塊看場電影，還可以啃著爆米花? 為什麼要年復一年地捧場? 或許董姿彥真的很漂亮，很女人，很嫵媚動人，可是那些都是其次的，因為舞台劇所講究的是眼神，是肢體語言，是真情流露，是優美嗓子，而具有這些專業的董姿彥，再加上她的美，我不飆淚才怪。

其實我身邊有個外表近似的朋友，Wai。不過，這不是重點。重點是，【聊齋】很巧思的觸碰了耶穌受難日的情結，很巧妙的將觀眾帶到地府去見閻羅王。最終，永恆的愛戰勝了死亡，彷彿耶穌的死戰勝了永恆的死。

聊齋，ROCKS!

2010-04-01T22:24:00.004+08:00

也不知道什麼時候開始，卡布奇諾開始中文遍地，英文寥寥無幾。這或許也表現了心中無數的無奈，所以借用較熟析的語言，帶出一切盡在不言中的愁眉。

今天獨自沿著新加坡河畔，拖著沉重的步伐，試圖慢下來，重新尋找活下去的理由。因為河水並不是很乾淨，加上應該沒有人會為我丟粽子到河裡餵魚，所以我放棄了跳河自盡的念頭。每次傷感之時，我都小心翼翼地傷感，或許是我孬種，沒膽嘗試速食愛情，沒膽在夢醒時躺在一個連名字都不清楚的女孩身邊，也沒有讓愛情速食了我。所以，我只能以最傳統的方式，漫無目標地散步，想哭就大聲地哭，不用理會誰在我的左右，更不需為我的行為做任何解釋。

看著水中倒影，我看見了我的滄桑。我的雙眸深遠，我的憔悴俱增。真希望逃離這個地方，逃離悲傷。明天6.40AM，當飛機一離地，我就離開你一天空的距離。

珍重

2010-04-01T22:07:00.004+08:00

【十年的你】

我被遺忘，被妳遺忘，遺忘在一條名叫傷働的路上。
那遠到看不見邊際的盡頭，妳可在那個地方?
我問過神，問過鬼，問過佛祖，問過菩薩，
妳到底在哪一場夢裡面，而那場夢何時與我共枕同床?

我成天成夜，聽著時間的呼吸，用哭白了的髮，寫寂寞的詩。
我把傷眸當硯，我把血淚當墨，我的靈魂是我的紙，我的身體更是封信。
我該寄往何處予妳? 而你又該何回我?

是不是妳也在那條叫做傷働的路上，如果是，我是否也該把妳遺忘?
但怎樣遺忘也長，傷働也長，告訴我哪兒是短，我便哪兒往。

溫暖的清晨同樣，溫暖的西暮同樣，搖椅上的我同樣，而我冷冷地望。
別要我頂著熱情欣賞，我以失去熱情的光。

妳說我詩裡總有看不完的愁悵，像濃黯的霧那般地芒，
我裹著兩人份的被單，作著一個人的夢，
詩難不愁悵，人難不拾殤。

我低聲地問，那在遠方的妳啊。
我果我寫一首詩給十年後的妳，妳將在哪兒讀它?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

這首詩裡沒有一個愛字，卻寫出了滿滿的愛。

2010-03-29T13:07:00.003+08:00

雖然這個星期應該在放假，但是我卻拖著千斤重的步伐，緩緩地來到了ORQ。經過了病魔摧殘的身體早已疲憊不堪，可是同時又有三間公司的帳目要看，滄桑已寫在臉上。

我的心是藍，我的天是灰的，我在地獄裡等待天堂..

2010-03-20T17:52:00.003+08:00

曾經讀過關於愛爾蘭咖啡的故事，直到今天才到TCC嘗試。當咖啡入胃的時候，感覺其實如小說所描寫的，暖暖的，溫溫的。當然，這是whisky惹的禍。

雖然距離品嘗愛爾蘭咖啡已有幾個小時，可是身體的溫暖卻能敵過窗外的冷雨，這樣的感覺，彷彿冬天已經來了，暖暖地躲在被窩裡，緊緊地擁著深愛的人..

2010-03-14T17:19:00.001+08:00

Lester 說: 妳時而熱情如仲夏，時而冷漠如寒冬。每當冬天來臨時，他只能默默地期盼夏天的到來，等待妳的熱情來溶化冰凍的心。

冬天是煎熬的，他的心流著淚，可是殘酷的冬天卻把眼淚給凍僵了..

2010-03-04T11:10:00.002+08:00

Hey, you left something behind.
You left me behind..

2010-02-25T11:20:00.005+08:00

2010年的2月25，當暑光還未劃過天際，我已經從被窩中爬起。
黎明破曉前的氛圍頓時發酵，我彷彿回到從前。
依稀記得六歲的我，每天會在這時夢醒，抱著惺忪的姿態，走到了她的床邊..
當時的芬芳，至今仍回味無窮。

2010-02-23T10:51:00.002+08:00

如果我去了美國，妳會等我嗎?
兩年的時間，無邊無際的太平洋也容不下我對妳的思念。
但我知道，受過考驗的緣分才能進化成永恆的愛情。

2010-02-16T22:57:00.003+08:00

【A city of coffeeholic】

I lived in the city of coffeeholic, and coffee was the soul of the city.
And you lived in my heart.
If I were a city, would you be the soul of me?

【空氣】

思念變成了我的空氣，不思念妳，我便無法呼吸。

2010-02-16T22:06:00.002+08:00

明天要開工了，不過，我抱著一種落寞，因為 yiwen 已經不再了。

這幾天過得很悠遊自在，可以就這樣埋頭於小說，不管光陰的流逝，盡情地揮霍，直到現在，我才發現，明天好像又要上班了。

最近那個小女人 - 李清照的詩，一直環繞著:
一種相思，兩處閒愁。此情無計可消除，才下眉頭，卻上心頭

才下眉頭，卻上心頭的描述，讓我覺得李清照或許寫這首詩的時候，已經是個大女人了。我的心，到底又在為誰悸動? 雖然說早已習慣一個人的生活，一個人的獨立，一個人的自主，一個人的悠閒，不過為了配合聖經的意思，我還是會努力的:

創世記 2:18
耶和華神說：那人獨居不好，我要為他造一個配偶幫助他。

2010-02-15T14:53:00.000+08:00

【B棟11樓】

原來很多事，重點不是事情本身，而是陪你一起完成的人..

2010-02-14T01:29:00.001+08:00

【散步】

她教過我，散步就是該懶散地走路，不需要走直線，也不需要趕時間，走著走著，有時會想通一些事情。

【靈魂缺口】
靈魂就像一塊蛋糕，四四方方的。
你愛過一個人，你就會分出一部份的靈魂給她，像是蛋糕剝去了一小片。
如果他也是愛你，那麼她就會分出一部份的靈魂給你，像是給你小片的蛋糕。
這一來一往之間，那一小片蛋糕的施與受，總是會讓你的靈魂恢復原狀。
如果你愛上的人並不愛你，那麼你的靈魂就會出現缺口。

因為已經給出去的靈魂，永遠要不回來了。

【拔河】

我在和一個不知名的大石頭拔河。它佔據了妳心里絕大部分的空位，我只能再夾縫中找尋生存的一點縫隙。和不知名的東西戰鬥是累人的，幾個月下來，我在愛情裡累積的寂寞也已經足夠我難過很久了。

當我發現我們距離真正的情人只有一步之遙，卻一直無法跨越那條線的時候，我就知道，這場拔河，我已經輸了。

【夏日之詩】

點一根菸，正在燃燒著的不只是菸草，還有情緒。
寫一首詩，正再著墨著抖不只是字句，還有生命。

回想生命終，曾經為誰寫過詩，又曾經收過誰為妳寫的詩呢?

如果漫長的生命之路不曾留下任何紀錄，或許一首詩，就是最好的附註了。

【大雨紛飛】

一條漫長的寬度，決定了我們的世界。
路那一邊的人行道上，有妳的香味。
我在數萬顆雨滴破碎在地上的同時，聽見很清晰的妳的腳步。
雨淋溼妳的裙擺了嗎? 為何妳慢了速度?

大雨，紛飛，是老天爺刻意安排的結局，大雨是天，紛飛是妳，而我只是你們之間的一顆棋。
平行的人行道，沒有交界。
終點還有多遠，我情願看不見。

我向老天爺問了一問，在大雨紛飛的這夜，如果雨就在瞬間就停了，我能不能住進妳心裡面?

-----------------------------------------

我記得她走得那一天，灰雲漫漫，陰雨連綿，夏日將至，細雨紛飛。

2010-02-05T10:01:00.006+08:00

Recently, Lester posted a message on Facebook regarding someone not returning him money. I personally feel that Lester should write it off as it is both Biblical and correct as per accouting treatment. However, one of his friends posted this message which really irked me:

"as being an accounting's student of myself, i recommended u not to write off bcos u ownself will lose a lot, unless this sum of money is small. just treat yourself as an accountant, keep chasing 'her' to pay u back... it's alright if u choose to write off it, at least 'she' must give u a valid reason."

"do u know that an accountant working in company, if the debts had exceeded the credit terms, most probably they will hire a lawyer. they rather pay for the legal fees instead of losing a huge of money. So... think wisely before u write it off. =)"

So, I went to check his credential: Bishan ITE.

Firstly, let me be clear that I've got nothing against ITE, just take a look at how much I love Jan, and how has Jan taught me for the exams, even though he was from ITE. However, this person tried to throw his weights around (if he even has any) and tried to boast that he was an accounting student, giving the false impression that he knows his stuff and brings about self-justification for his nonsense and illiteracy. And so I replied:

"being an auditor of the big 4 and having audited companies from the various industries listed on SGX and elsewhere in the world, i'd sincerely ask you to write-off, and if by any chance it is returned, it'll be a treated as a bonus (other income). by nw, the 'debt' would have exceeded the credit term, and hence provision has to be made to reflect a true and fair view of recoverability. hence, it is better that you write-off.."

If you understand by now, I'm not after accouting standards, because standards are subjective and meant to be twisted. If you know that I can agree or disagree with millions of provision, then you know that such are purely judgemental. What irks me is that the person does not have a heart, and even tried to cover his heartlessness by using accounting as a cover, what the. If you have no character, just admit it, please don't use accounting as a disguise or camouflage. You have tarnished and distorted 2 books, the Bible and the FRS. I can't help but to refer him as scribes and pharisees, who in pretense make long prayers but devour windows' houses. Woe to you!

2010-01-17T00:02:00.004+08:00

I think I have grown, learning how to calm my senior manager, learning how to deal with senior, learning how to protect my assistants, learning how to be the light in the midst of darkness. But in the midst of this, I had to sacrifice a farewell party. I could't meet Hoi, and I won't see her for the next 3 years. But, I still made it for the party at Timbre. Even then and then, I still had to face the music.

Life is tough in office, and outside office.

2010-01-13T22:28:00.005+08:00

最近，有三個女生出現，因為她們的出現，讓我探討什麼才是我該放手的。

第一位女生，外表甜美，人見人愛。而且，夠傻。有時候，傻到變笨，笨到想罵，卻又於心不忍，真叫人情何以堪。即使多次主動，多次釋出善意，可是仍然只得到百分之十的回應。重複的主動，屢次的無動於衷，哪怕再多的愛也會枯涸，哪怕再多的心意也會心灰意冷。

第二位女生，外表平凡，卻是個很女人的女人。何謂很女人的女人? 只可意會，不可言傳。懂得捉弄，懂得扶持，懂得分享，懂得敞開心房。因為有來有往，所以很容易就銜接。她明白我，也會表達她的想法，好讓我不用一直猜測。一個聰明、智慧的女生，一個能在我身邊打理一切，一個不怕吃苦，一個勇往直前的女生。懂得依賴，卻又獨立，時而主動，時而被追。

第三位女生，看了就會產生想要保護她的欲望。或許是因為撒嬌，或許是因為勇於表現自己的弱點，也不掩蓋缺點，而且還會很小女生似的溝通。當然，如果追求的話，我會覺得是這一種亂倫。

輕輕的我來，正如我輕輕的走。我揮一揮衣袖，不帶走一絲雲彩。

2010-01-11T13:45:00.005+08:00

These 2 weeks, I finally understand what a leader means when he/she says tt he/she is not freed up to do other things, if his/her people don't stand in the gap.

These 2 weeks, despite the intensive fieldwork, I am still freed up to deal with accounting issues, all thanks to 2 great person, Shi Li and Yin Chian. Because they handled and covered my part, I could look into issues that are critical to the FS. We need more people like them..

With SL's pull out today, I can't help but be greatly saddened. She is just like another Mitch, an endangered species.

2010-01-02T00:45:00.003+08:00

對於2009，除了感恩還是感恩。感謝媽咪陪我走完2009的最後幾天，感謝一路陪我走來的朋友，不管是在EY還是小組，甚至是國小、國中、高中和大學的朋友，謝謝有你們，陪我走這一程。是你們，把幸福悄悄放進我的手裡..

新的一年，新的希望。有夢最美，希望相隨。有時候我把酒問月，為何讓我看得那麼多，想得那麼多，觀顏察色，用心體會。因為看得多，看得清楚，看得透徹，所以感觸也就更多。可是，並不是每個人都看得到，甚至體會得到，尤其當一切盡在無言中，卻能看得一清二楚。或許，這就是我的...

2010年將充滿著無數的可能，無數的伸展，無數的衝刺，無數的驚喜。我心悸動..

2009-12-27T23:40:00.003+08:00

Today, I brought Mum to Tony Roma at Suntec coz the last time she visited was more than a decade ago. As usual, I ordered my all time favorite Singaopre Sling, and it's buy 2 get 1 free. But, Mum didn't drink much coz she was happily munching on the bread! Eventually, we ate only 2 pieces of the full slab of Baby Back Rib! Faintz.

It was a very pleasant experience, because we were served by a very beautiful girl. She was patient and explained to me that my favorite Singapore Sling was something like the cough syrup! She was swift to serve, slow to speak and slow to wrath. Simply an amazing girl! Coz I drank most of the 3 glasses, and each glass contained almost 2 shots, I was reduced to 60% soberness. In my drunken stupor, I wrote a note for her and stuff a good tip into an envelope. Finally when we left, I found her and said 'Hey Rayne, thank you very much!', as I presented the envelope to her.

Years ago when I worked in the Raffles Hotel, a guest publicly requested to see me, and I thought gosh! What have I done? He wrote an envelope with a good tip inside, and praised me publicyly as he presented the envelope to me. I could pluck up courage to do the same to the beautiful girl only because I was almost gone, all thanks to the cough syrup!

Thank you Rayne.

2009-12-23T23:21:00.003+08:00

All thanks to Rong Rong, I finally got my Adidas Superstar II, with snake skin stripes! Thanks to my brother who swiped his card and got it as my Christmas present! Finally got a replacement for my 3 years old Adidas, which is also the first pair in my life..

2009-12-07T22:49:00.004+08:00

I missed Kaushie's flight.

This is probably the most ridiculous thing, or rather, the most dramatic incident that can ever happen. I already left the office at 1700hr to pick up the honeymoon album, and reached the airport at 1900hr, so that I could send Kaushie off. Her flight was at 2125hr. I tried to call her, but apparently, she has already returned the SIM card, and she didn't take down my number. So, I couldn't contact her and neither could she. What kind of 21st century creatures we are!

And so, I was busy arranging the 200 honeymoon photos, with many pairs of eyes gazing at the artistic artwork. I reached 1 hour before the departure time, and got the counter staff to find her, but to no avail. I almost wanted to take out my card and coerce the counter staff to go into the plane and find her, if not, as the auditor of his company, I'll make sure he goes out of job for not going the extra mile.

Damn. Totally upset with myself.

2009-12-03T21:13:00.001+08:00

A new era has dawned, yes, the DC era..

2009-11-30T00:10:00.002+08:00

Just attended Princess Weiling and Prince William's wedding!

Honored to be sitting at the third row, together with the bridemaids. Once again, the only thorn amongst the roses. It was a beautiful night, Weiling was just so demure, so beautiful..

2009-11-27T18:16:00.002+08:00

一個會唱歌但內心不快樂的人，跟一個快樂唱著歌的人; 前者影響自己，後者感染別人..

2009-11-16T23:51:00.001+08:00

要懂得如何把自己照顧得好好的，她來的時候，才能把她照顧得無微不至..

2009-11-08T12:00:00.005+08:00

A gift is not what you give, it’s what it costs you to give..
A love is not what you give, but what it costs you to give up..
Do you love me?

2009-11-04T00:22:00.002+08:00

風信子要再開花，一定要把外面所有的生長物通通剪掉。

啊! 愚蠢的人們啊，為何總是對過去念念不忘? 把已死的花朵留在身邊，既對過去無法割捨，又沒有辦法邁向未來..

2009-10-27T14:06:00.002+08:00

Morning madness!

Rushed to office for briefing, rushed to Shaw Tower to deliver the files, rushed to Science Park and experienced serenity after having lunch with the client. Lunch was like, family lunch. Nice! Will be here for 3 days, then I'll be on another engagement. Life of an auditor..

Recenly, so many people have tendered, and are still tendering, across all levels of staff. Something is wrong somewhere..

2009-10-04T12:33:00.001+08:00

Staying in bed on a rare Sunday..

2009-10-01T18:56:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, the car that I booked for the weekend was cancelled by the sales manager.

I wanted to collect the car on Thursday night, and return it on Sunday night, so that I would be charge a total of 3 days. However, he said I can't return on Sunday night beause the showroom is not opened. And so I suggested to return the car to him, since he stays very near Sin Ming. He said cannot, because he doesn't have license to drive it back to the showroom. So I suggested that he asks his colleague to drive for him, since it's so near to the showroom. Then he said, only 1 colleague has license, and that person comes very late. So I suggested, then why not I return on Monday morning? He said that's fine, but at 11am. Then I told him that I don't start work at 11am. And by returning on Monday morning, he would charge me 3.5 days.

After serveral rounds of suggestion to a supposed 'sales manager', he finally asked me to look for alternative. I've got really lots of things to say regarding this incident.

Firstly, he rents car but doesn't know how to drive, and as a result of his ignorance or inadequacy in managing that small little steering wheel, resulted in me carrying the penalty of 0.5 day rental, plus me having to take half a day off to return the car. I quote "工欲善其事，必先利其具"。What would happen if an accountant doesn't know debit and credit, and the auditor who checks on the accountant thinks that debit means plus while credit means minus? So much for the 'sales manager'!

Next, he cancelled the deal on his own accord at a very last minute. Well, it seems like the car is gonna stay idle anyway. Instead of generating a few hundred dollars of income, he would rather forfeit it and let the car stay idle. A sales manager who doesn't know opportunity cost! I proposed that I would return on Monday morning and return the key to the security guard, he agreed, but had to charge me 3.5days, so that his boss wouldn't ask him why I was charged 3 days when I held it for 3.5 days. This brings the identity of a son versus a servant/slave. A son takes ownership, but a servant follows instruction narrowly and does not even think of the bigger picture.

I am greatly disturbed by the sales manager, who is afraid of charging me 3 days, and as a result, forgo the already agreed rental! Moreover, I am the one thinking of all the possible alternatives, while he's the one who kills and destroys every possible way! I mean, with sales manager like this, how can the company not face crisis? All in all, I am in every way disgusted.

2009-09-28T12:00:00.004+08:00

This morning, whilst waiting for QQ to come and pick us at Tanah Merah MRT, she saw me.

It was quite easy to assume that she was the girl, but shy as I was, I stood quietly afar. However, she soon noticed me. She greeted me with a sunshine smile, and walked towards me gracefully.

'Hey Dennis!'
'Hello~'

She stood gently beside me. Upon QQ's arrival, I wanted to tell her to take the front seat, but she uttered what was in my heart.

We soon reached the Airport Police, and because Cynthia forgot to print the application approval, we were faced with some hassle. As I was shuttling between the different counters, she took care of my things, she took some of my belongings from my hands so that I could be free to move around. Patiently and gently, she waited for us and helped in whatever way possible.

On our journey back, QQ for some reasons stopped us at Mac instead of the taxi stand. And when we soon found our way to the taxi stand, she asked me if I wanted to get breakfast. She cared to ask. I was supposed to drop her at ORQ, but she didn't want me to go a big round, hence she stopped at the construction site office, which was about 250m away from ORQ. That was not the best place to stop, coz it was dusty and dangerous. Before she alighted, she thanked me for sending her back. She didn't have to. As she closed the door, she turned around, waved and smiled at me. She needn't have to. All these happened in less than a minute, and I was totally dumbfounded, because no manager would do that, let alone a female manager.

It was a short encounter, but certainly a deep one. She left her traces of beauty everywhere, she left her love and care, and she kindled someone's being.

Being in the accounting industry, I have the privilege of being surrounded by mostly females most of the time. This enormous population has significantly exposed me to the various genres of this unique gender. Having met so many, there's only one thing I can say. I have never seen a true beauty till this day.

2009-09-23T20:58:00.001+08:00

Tired. Shag. Fatigue. Exhausted.

I bought a packet of ham and put it in the freezer, and it turned into a packet of bacon. Is this how bacon is produced?

2009-09-08T13:51:00.003+08:00

「我是全國最高行政首長，風災所有政治責任由我一肩挑。」- 劉兆玄

行政院長「玄」風式請辭，讓人看了不禁心酸。一個那麼為國家付出的領袖，一個那麼又想法，那麼傑出的政治家，因為政治責任，一肩挑起了所有的責任。就在他說出那句話的時候，那是需要多麼大的勇氣。在那麼多的危機裡，劉兆玄一次又一次的咬緊牙關，與馬英九共度患難。而在八八水災後，點名了自己是全國最高行政首長，那是多麼謙卑的，因為認清了自己的地位，也就等於扛下了所有的民怨，所有的責任..

文人畢竟是文人，蕭灑，抱負..

2009-09-03T11:16:00.003+08:00

Thought of 2 ways to get myself out of the FJ shit next year:

1. Get married and go on wedding preparation + wedding + honeymoon leave
2. Get hospitalized in July and August 2010

Which is easier?

2009-09-02T20:38:00.000+08:00

Today, I went for a test drive. As I shift the gear to D mode, and was all ready to set off, the car did not move. So I looked at the dealer, and he looked at me, and he looked down. Alas, handbrake!

2009-08-26T21:48:00.000+08:00

Today during training, QQ told me that he saw a dog outside ST compound, it looked so pitiful and skinny, as their eyes met. As such, after training, I cancelled my swimming and went looking for dog food at Raffles Place, but to no avail.

Whilst waiting for QQ, Mitch invited me to the Harry's at ORQ, and I finally stepped in after 1 year in ORQ! QQ came over after his meeting, and we set off to look for food, dog food.We combed the ST compound for about an hour, but could not find doggie.We walked and whistled, hoping to attract it. Dinner was ready to be served, but doggie could not be found. After much efforts, we had no choice but to count on tomorrow, as QQ returns to ST.

Where are you doggie? Food is ready to be served..

2009-08-26T00:12:00.002+08:00

Today, I went back to FJ after training, partly because they either had dinner very late last night, or they didn't have at all, and partly because I wanted to help out. And so, I brought dinner over.

After I was done at ten plus, i went to shut down seniors' laptop and asked the soup to pack up. And so, I was successful in rescuing everyone, if not, they would stay until 2 or 3am. That's what I went down for, to chase everyone home.

This is why I stay on in audit, and not move on to FIDS.

2009-08-21T23:50:00.001+08:00

Special thanks to the house-moving squad: Kenneth Boey, Isaac Chua, Wei Jun, Wei Yan & Zhi Xing. If not for them, I would not have been able to move to where I am.

It is probably the most number of people I cried out to for help, because not only was I on a dayless and nightless job, I was terribly sick. Thank you for helping me pack everything, for moving everything to Serangoon and special thanks to Zhi Xing who came on the following Monday to help me unpack.

What is this love?

2009-08-21T23:20:00.001+08:00

Feeling so happy today! Because, I finally don’t have to turn up at the Science Park after about 5 consecutive weekends! I mean, I can finally differentiate weekends from weekdays, I can finally have some proper time to do laundry, to rest, to breathe, to experience life as a human being..

The past 5 weeks have been the toughest I probably have experienced in my life thus far! Every morning is like waking up from a grave, as I dragged myself to a cemetery. Every day was like sinking deeper into hell. I thought I’ve experienced hell, and not any more until I started life at F X Benxxxxx!Thank God for the team, thank God for the freedom I had, thank God that in spite of all these, I survived, I fought the fight, not a too good one though, but at least I’ve finished the part 1 race, while part 2 will continue 2 weeks later after my training.I wanted to transfer to FIDS partly because of this job, and I so wanted to get myself out of this shit, so much so that I impressed the manager, the director and the partner so much that they offered me a place, all because of desperation and suffocation, although in the end I rejected the once-in-a-lifetime offer. How stupid? Maybe.

The fire in me turned cold. The enthusiasm turned into numbness, and the swiftness turned into deadness. Every day I prayed for it to end, but my prayer fell on deaf ears. Whatever it is, it’s over!

2009-08-21T16:07:00.002+08:00

I have never tasted hell until I stepped into F X Benxxxxx!

2009-08-13T11:05:00.003+08:00

Enough is enough!

I've suffered enough of threat, be it verbal, mental or physical. The threats were not absent even in the presence of my Mum, despite helping him with thousands of dollars under his coercion. The illogical behavior and the ungratefulness are counts too many. All I can say is, the vengence is the Lord's.

In times of distress, there is a shelter where I always run to and hide. On National Day, I ran back home to Old Airport Road. Upon reaching, the pain and fear all seem so far away, as I hid under the wings of Lester's Mum. She served me, comforted me, helped me and did all things possible just to make sure that I know she cares. What is this love?

Thank God, I'll be moving to Serangoon, opposite the stadium. Thank God for the beautiful environment. If the previous one was B18, this is probably cloud 9. Too early to say anything, until I move in this Saturday. I know something had to break in me for the past 1 year, and I know that the next 1 year will be much better, for all things work together for good..

2009-07-30T20:01:00.002+08:00

Thank God, I'm offered a position in FIDS - Fraud Investigation & Dispute Services. The nature of it is forensic. However, I'm most probably gonna reject the offer. This is because over there in FIDS, the seniors are like assistants, the managers are like seniors, which means that if I go over, I won't have a say. But, I want to have a say, I want to say that I want to go home..

2009-07-28T01:09:00.002+08:00

Today, I told my senior that I gotta come back early to do laundry, coz I have no more clothes to wear! So, we went back early.. At midnight, another senior messaged me and asked if I needed help. She asked me to bring my clothes to the client's place tomorrow so that she can iron for me! I think we need more girls like this, I'm sure the world would be a better place..

2009-07-27T18:37:00.004+08:00

一個曾經受過傷害的人，或許很難再相信別人，也不允許他人踏進她的世界。因為，她不想透露自己的傷口，更不想讓自己想起舊傷口的痛。所以，無意之中，她傷害了真正關心她的人。之所以無意，是因為她的拒絕與否認，拒絕與否認了那個人的簡單與美好，甚至將那個人與曾傷害她的人相提並論，殊不知能被其傷害者，正因為敞開了心房才被其傷害...

2009-06-27T18:12:00.002+08:00

$1,600

That's the cost of getting my license, approximately 20 lessons and 4 tests. Well, I must say that I ought not have passed at the 4th attempt, but the tester simply closed both eyes, so much so that he eventually had to give me 1 mistake so that I wouldn't get a perfect zero. And, I seriously should have passed at the first or third attempt, since my driving style has not changed. My first response upon passing: find the previ0us tester who failed me for some of the weirdest mistakes one can ever imagine.

This week is fun! First it started with CG celebration at the Swensons on Sunday, got my license on Monday, movie and buffet on Tuesday with Wei Jun, Runling, Isaac and Wei Yan, and a very nice chill out at the Marina Barrage and my childhood place with Joanna. Had dinner with Steph and Wei Yan at the Esplanade on Wednesday, followed by St. James with Joanna and Ms Zhu. Had lunch at my favorite 鼎泰豐 on Thursday. Rested on Friday because I sprained my neck while sleeping.. -.-

This week, the whole of EY gets to know the promotional result. Some of my friends were unfairly treated. As long as summer and winter remain, as long as the human race remains, nothing will ever be fair. For those of us who are leaving, may you find a blue sky and a green pasture, may you regain the youth and joy that were lost, may you revitalize with renewed vigor, may you smile through the storm and know that we are with you always. Do not hate, do not carry the bitterness, because that will poison your soul. I know that you are more than capable, you are more than what they think and what you think you are.

2009-06-05T00:00:00.001+08:00

【寂寞之歌】

感覺，像是一張張、一片片薄薄得無法單位化的東西，它比羽毛更加細緻，它比纖維更加微小，經過時間的累積之後，它一張張一片片地疊在一起，增加了厚度，增加了質量，所以我們才能在心理觸摸它。

所以，感覺的集合體便是感觸。

如果感覺是一個個小小的一音符，感觸就是演奏曲子的鋼琴。
寂寞是鋼琴斷了弦了那一鍵，只有妳聽得見聲音。
每個人心裡，都有一台鋼琴，有一首寂寞之歌。

2009-06-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

【假裝】

因為妳太美麗，讓我無法轉移視線，所以，我只好假裝月光比妳更美，然後寫詩讚頌月光。
因為妳太像夢境，讓我無法清醒，所以，我只好假裝夢境比妳真實，然後捎信給我的真實。

我的感性和我的理性開始玩著捉迷藏，因為妳的出現。
我的理性當鬼，他總是比較愛強出頭。
我的感性躲在膽怯背後，他只偶爾探出個頭。

就算把天光月光星光都借來做顆鑽石給妳，我想都還是不夠的。
因為妳在我眼裡的光芒，已經超越了這所有。

這時，理性說: "冷靜點。"
這是，感性說: "勇敢點。"

而那封我自己寄給自己的真實，打開來看，卻是妳的夢境。
我閉上眼睛，輕輕地，在她微開的雙唇上，烙上我的愛情。

2009-06-03T08:58:00.000+08:00

【夏天的尾巴】

夏天 ─ 火紅、熾熱、流動著青春的汗水、每秒鐘都蕩漾激情、反叛，義無反顧！

尾巴 ─ 聽說很久以前的人類都曾經擁有，但因為不知道其作用，尾巴也就漸漸的消失。但，其實，每個人身上都有一條尾巴。

阿月(ENNO飾)是同學心目中是一個搖滾少女，養了一隻貓叫做『夏天』，阿月因為先天性心臟病而休學在家，只好每天跟『夏天』鬼混、彈吉他、到處遊蕩。

沒有去上學的時光，每一天都會有很多的發現，學校裡的超級資優生陳懷鈞(張睿家飾)竟然愛上老師，換來被學校退學的命運，於是街上又多了一個遊蕩的高中生。阿月坦誠的張開雙臂接納陳懷鈞的所有情緒，為他解圍。而陳懷鈞還不太明白患有心臟病的阿月，對生命的期待與熱情。

兩個輟學的高中生天天騎著單車，穿梭在稻田、水圳之間，他們找到一處大人管不到的地方，在高鐵下的一塊荒地。藍天下，他們號召同校的好友另一位資優生雯莉(林涵飾)與熱愛足球卻永遠最後一名的日本轉學生不破朗(藤岡靛飾)，他們就在這塊秘密基地放肆地玩樂。四個人的相聚成為一種互相安慰及鼓勵的力量，一起面對前途，一起享受玩樂，一起解救企圖自殺的沮喪父子。

在晴朗天空下，映照著四個大小孩各自心中的願望與秘密，無論生活是平凡或刺激、順利或挫折，總能將一切轉化的有趣。這是一種取悅自己的能力，是上天的禮物，就像尾巴一樣，獨處的時候拿來玩樂，沒有目標的時候拿來追尋。

尾巴又有什麼作用呢？就是在找自己的快樂。

2009-05-31T23:46:00.005+08:00

最近，心情比平時悸動。

在拿到身分證後，對我最大的益處莫過於踏上圖書之旅。文人畢竟是文人，愛文人，即聞人。讀了痞子蔡的【愛爾蘭咖啡】，感動得說不出話來，遲遲回憶思考，反覆咀嚼。藤井樹的【寂寞之歌】，更是讓人心酸，讓眼框不禁添了一層濕潤，染了一層淡紅。原來，每個人都有自己的寂寞，每個人都唱著自己的寂寞之歌。有的人用微笑帶過，如五月天所描述的 "妳的笑只是妳穿的保護色"。

對我而言，我比較喜歡聆聽 "寂寞在唱歌"，哪怕滄桑、悽涼。

但又或許，我只是妳的也許..

2009-05-25T21:55:00.003+08:00

"請問要來點茶或咖啡?"
"咖啡。"
"請問您要哪種咖啡?"
"愛爾蘭咖啡。"
"需要加眼淚嗎?"
"..."

當她第一次替她調煮愛爾蘭咖啡時，因為激動而留下眼淚。為了怕被她看到，他用手指將眼淚擦去，然後偷偷用眼淚再愛爾蘭咖啡杯口畫了一圈。所以，第一口愛爾蘭咖啡的味道，帶著思念被壓抑許久所發酵的味道。

2009-05-10T17:46:00.005+08:00

There's an apple tree, who loved a boy deeply.

Everyday, the boy would come and play with the tree. He would gather the leaves of the tree and made into a crown, and would pretend to be the king of the jungle. He would climb to the top of the tree and swing, while savoring the apples. Sometimes, they would play hide-and-seek. When the boy became tired, he would rest under the shelter. The boy loved the tree, and the tree was glad.

As time passed, the boy grew up.. The tree often felt lonely. One day, the boy appeared.

The tree said, 'Climb unto me, have some apples that your joy may be full.'
The boy said,' I have grown up, I no longer climb trees, I want to buy things to find my happiness, I need money, can you give me?'
The tree said, 'I'm sorry, I don't have money, only apples and leaves. Why don't you take the apples and sell them, that you joy may be full.'

Upon hearing that, the boy plucked all the apples. And he left. The tree was glad.

The boy went missing for a long time, and the tree felt very miserable. One day, the boy appeared, and with all comfort and joy, the tree waved its leaves and said,

'Come unto me, have a swing that your joy may be full.'
The boy said,' I'm too busy to climb tree. I need a house, I wanna get married and have kids. Can you give me a house?'
The tree said, 'I'm sorry, I don't have a house, the jungle is my home. But, you can cut away my branches to build a house, that your joy may be full.'

The boy cut off all the branches and went to build a house. The tree was glad.

Another long while went pass, and the boy was nowhere in sight. When he finally appeared, the tree was too happy to say anything, and gently she said,

'Let's play together..'
The boy said, 'I'm too old to play now, and I don't have the mood. I need a boat to bring me on a voyage, Can you give me one?'
The tree said, 'Why don't you cut down my trunk to make a boat, so that it can bring you on your journey, that your joy may be full.'

The boy chopped off the tree trunk, made a boat and went on a voyage. The tree was glad, but not truly.

A long time had passed, and the boy returned once again.

The tree said, 'I'm sorry, I have nothing else to give you now, I have no more apples.'
The boy said, 'My teeth no longer have strength to bite the apples.'
The tree said, 'I have no more branches for you to swing.'
The boy said, 'I'm too old to swing.'
The tree said, 'I have no more trunk for you to climb.'
The boy said, 'I'm too tired, too tired to climb.'
The tree sighed, 'I'm deeply sorrowful, I wish I can give you something, but I have nothing else to give, I'm just an old stump, I'm very sorry...'
The boy said, 'I don't need anything now, just a quiet place to sit and to rest, because I'm really tired.'
The tree said, 'oh..'
She strengthened her body and said, 'C'mon, child, an old tree stump is a good resting place, have a seat, have a seat, have a good rest.'

The boy sat down, and the tree was glad..

~AN ODE TO ALL MOTHERS~

2009-05-06T22:28:00.003+08:00

或許，反正都一個人慣了，去哪裡都無所謂吧.. 貳拾叁歲的九局下半，我應該反省覺悟，還是當它只是個美麗的錯誤..

2009-05-02T23:14:00.003+08:00

天冷就回來

從前對著收音機學唱舊的歌
我問媽媽為什麼傷心像快樂
媽媽笑著說她也不懂得
我想出去走一走哦媽媽點點頭

天冷你就回來
別在風中徘徊
哦媽媽眼裏有明白還有一絲無奈
天冷我想回家童年已經不在
昨天的雨點撒下來那滋味叫作愛

Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)
theysaid their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes

women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

2009-04-23T00:57:00.004+08:00

不用回家了

After spoken to the Embassy, I realized that I'm now an official fugitive on the run. I can't renew my passport and I can't travel out of this place. I postponed my air ticket indefinitely, and my family will fly in instead. Gonna be confined in a place of less than 700 sq km, till another government takes me in.

I was all excited when I received my PR certificate, only to realize that the $100 for the re-entry permit is now totally useless, since I'm an invalid.

Just watched 赤壁2，beautiful!

2009-04-20T16:44:00.002+08:00

Today, the unthinkable happened.

As I approached the AR accountant, she resisted me as usual. However, I did not relent. I looked straight into her eyes, and as our eyes met, she sat down and took out a pair of scissors. My heart skipped a beat. She began to cut the loose thread from my shirt..

No wonder girls are beautiful, to a certain extent.

2009-03-24T21:24:00.001+08:00

有誰來買我的火柴?

2009-03-19T16:04:00.002+08:00

有時候，不管我怎麼追，我都追不到.. 所以，我決定不再追尋自己的影子，而追尋妳的..

2009-03-15T23:51:00.001+08:00

2009-03-07T22:41:00.002+08:00

Once, I thought, we'd hold on together.. 曾經我以為，我們能一起走下去..

It's hasn't been long since we met, but it's been a long while despite that. The upheavals and the valleys, the storms and the quakes. Been there, done that. But what's the aftermath? Scores of pain..

It's hard to say goodbye, because who'd bear to part the precious in his life? The ones whom he cherish, the ones whom he supported and encouraged. I thought you were behind me all along, till I turn around, and I saw no one. Alas! You were beside me all along..

After I'm gone, hopefully, you'd realize that I'm with you all along.. 或許在我離開妳之後，你會發覺，我一直都在妳身邊..

2009-03-06T23:01:00.000+08:00

I''m sorry.. 對不起

As I dashed out of the salon, you came chasing out. I know it ain't your fault, coz you were not told that I've been waiting for 30min or so. I dashed across the road, and the bus came. Through the window, I could see you gazing far and wide. When I saw the glimpse in your eyes, I felt terrible because of the guilt that sparked from your eyes. Yes, you called, but I ignored, because I didn't know how to face your guilt.

The gaze that you gave, the searching for a runaway friend, was all that mattered, because at least you cared..

2009-03-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

Tired, seriously tired.. 我真的累了，累到我無法衡量..

2009-02-24T20:41:00.003+08:00

曾經我以為，你會是那一顆，永遠屬於我的糖果。
但是對妳而言，我不過就只是一張漂亮的糖果紙。
妳從來都不懂得去珍惜，所以我決定放棄了。

我一直以為，做一個好女朋友，付出一切，都能得到相同回報，所以我一直很努力。
可是，想不到，對你而言，我只是一顆過甜的糖果，一下子就膩了。

我就是你要的那顆糖果，有一天，妳會發現，除了我，再也沒有別人。
就算妳再拆開多少的糖果紙，永遠都不會忘記我。

甜甜的，苦苦的，酸酸的，辣辣的，澀澀的，麻麻的，刺刺的，涼涼的，冰冰的，傻傻的，痛痛的，開心的，悲傷的...

2009-02-21T21:50:00.004+08:00

The day I fall asleep 沉睡之日

Please don't call it a funeral, because it sounds too solemn. You know I love to share whatever I love, hence, let's call it Music, Movies and Memories. I wish to share all that I love with all whom I've loved for the last time before I'm gone. Please invite all my love ones to the MMM that shall last for 3 nights. During the whole event, please only serve my favorite Shandy and Singapore Sling, please decorate the whole place with the best lighting, you know that I love all things beautiful.

You know my love for music and my passion for performance in a live band. Please put up a band performance on the first night, with some of my favorite songs by Coldplay, May Day and Wu Bai & China Blue. You know I love lights, please don't give me boring lights. Please dress me up in my favorite Levi's jeans and my usual black top, as I enjoy the performance in the white still box.

You know I love movies. The second night would be movie screening of some of my favorite movies such as 五月之戀，藍色大門，冏男孩，生日快樂，海角七號，Elizabethtown, Serendipity, P.S. I Love You and Pay It Forward. These movies have accompanied me over the years, and I wish that they will accompany you too! Please remember to dress me up in a Hugo Boss suit, it is my dream suit.

You know I love photography. The final night would be wine, food and art, with the flash back of the thousands of photos I've captured during my life time. Every photo captures a moment, every moment displays an expression, and every expression tells of a story. I wish I can increase my collection from now till then. Please serve my dream Shaw and Smith Sauvignon Blanc. I've had no chance to try it since I started work at Raffles Hotel. Please serve my favorite steak, salad and soup, not forgetting salmon sashimi. I would really love to dress up in 中山裝 that night!

Please don't shed a tear, because you have not left me, but I have left you. I wish to have you with me in the final indulgence. Throughout the day, my favorite OSTs will accompany you. Throughout the night, the music, movies and memories will embrace you. Thank you, thank you for walking the walk with me.

P.S. I Love You

2009-02-20T10:47:00.004+08:00

Reliance 依賴

Sometimes, we tend to rely on something or someone. Having stayed in ORQ for 4 days, I began to have a reliance on the environment and the people, unknowingly. It is a rare week because a few of us are back in office at the same time. I am back in Loyang today, and the sudden change in environment and people took me aback, even though this is my favorite client. I began to do up an ARPs. It seems that the love for my friends are much greater than the love for client.

I couldn't really sleep last night, as I tossed and turned till the break of dawn. 昨晚，輾轉反側，直到黎明破曉前。

Thaddeus once taught me this, parting makes the heart fonder..

2009-02-15T20:28:00.001+08:00

Finding a reason to stay on, finding a reason to move on..