I have been pondering over this topic for months and today, I've decided to put all my thoughts into words. What is the main attribute to look out for in your partner? Most Christians would say that the partner must have the same faith. But, is the really the primary attribute? I know that this is so subjective and debatable, as such, please allow me to pen my thoughts, coming from a male's perspective.

Don't get me wrong, I do not disagree that Christians should not be unequally yoked. In fact, not just Christians, but anyone. The main reason behind the concept of being unequally yoked is simply a difference in values or value system. According to Dr A R Bernard, our value system is the prioritization of our values. Simply put, we may have the same values, but in different order of priority. Hence, if 2 persons have different fundamental values, then their value system will more so be different. On the other hand, even if 2 persons have the same set of fundamental values, their prioritization of the values may still be different. The thing is, how can two walk together unless they agree? As such, being unequally yoked is not a Christian thing, but a human thing. If I value career over family, while you value family over career, such difference affects all couples who intend to stick together for the rest of their lives, regardless of whatever faith you have.

So, what then is the primary attribute? I personally feel that it is the ability for to cling on, which is really lacking in our modern society. It used to be one life, one wife. It used to be that husband and wife had their private savings, but right now, many have added a backdoor to their private stash. It used to be for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, but right now, a vow can be broken if you feel like it. So, what is the meaning of clinging on? While I feel that it means accepting a person as who he is and stick to him no matter what, I think the Bible is more vivid on this:

Ruth 1:16-17
"Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried.
The LORD do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death parts you and me."

This is one of the the most powerful definition of clinging on that I know of, if not, the most powerful. Why do I feel that this attribute is far more important than some Christians' claim on not being unequally yoked? Generally speaking, Christians do divorce for whatever reasons, but there are non-Christians who enjoy a wonderful marriage till death do them part. Moreover, according to the definition in Ruth, because of your partner's love for you, your God shall be her God. Some die-hard Christians may go on to argue that my potential partner might be coming to church for my sake, then that is not genuine salvation. The question is, how do I even know that yours is genuine? Don't forget, Ruth became part of the lineage of Jesus Christ. Maybe, those Christians can challenge Jesus on the genuineness of Ruth's salvation?

Another side example on clinging on is the example of Elisha. Who is he? The Bible says that Elisha was 'plowing with twelve yoke of oxen', so he was probably a farmer, a person of the world. But Elijah passed by him and threw his mantle on him, and Elisha 'became his servant'. Before Elijah was taken up to heaven, Elisha said 'as the LORD lives, and as your soul lives, I will not leave you', and he said that not just once, but 3 times. In fact, after he had taken up the mantle of Elijah, he said 'where is the LORD God of Elijah'? Some die-hard Christians would thus criticize on the genuineness of Elisha's salvation because of this, moreover, he was only a servant to Elijah. But, Elisha performed twice as many miracles as Elijah and became one of the most powerful prophets.

I don't think God is so rigid in the way we find our soul mate, but many a time, we are. Yes, I agree that the partner should share the same values (which sharing the same faith is a subset of this), but I think that the most important attribute in my soul mate is the ability to cling on in spite of all my imperfections. Of course, I need to cling on too.