$1,600

That's the cost of getting my license, approximately 20 lessons and 4 tests. Well, I must say that I ought not have passed at the 4th attempt, but the tester simply closed both eyes, so much so that he eventually had to give me 1 mistake so that I wouldn't get a perfect zero. And, I seriously should have passed at the first or third attempt, since my driving style has not changed. My first response upon passing: find the previ0us tester who failed me for some of the weirdest mistakes one can ever imagine.

This week is fun! First it started with CG celebration at the Swensons on Sunday, got my license on Monday, movie and buffet on Tuesday with Wei Jun, Runling, Isaac and Wei Yan, and a very nice chill out at the Marina Barrage and my childhood place with Joanna. Had dinner with Steph and Wei Yan at the Esplanade on Wednesday, followed by St. James with Joanna and Ms Zhu. Had lunch at my favorite 鼎泰豐 on Thursday. Rested on Friday because I sprained my neck while sleeping.. -.-

This week, the whole of EY gets to know the promotional result. Some of my friends were unfairly treated. As long as summer and winter remain, as long as the human race remains, nothing will ever be fair. For those of us who are leaving, may you find a blue sky and a green pasture, may you regain the youth and joy that were lost, may you revitalize with renewed vigor, may you smile through the storm and know that we are with you always. Do not hate, do not carry the bitterness, because that will poison your soul. I know that you are more than capable, you are more than what they think and what you think you are.

【寂寞之歌】

感覺，像是一張張、一片片薄薄得無法單位化的東西，它比羽毛更加細緻，它比纖維更加微小，經過時間的累積之後，它一張張一片片地疊在一起，增加了厚度，增加了質量，所以我們才能在心理觸摸它。

所以，感覺的集合體便是感觸。

如果感覺是一個個小小的一音符，感觸就是演奏曲子的鋼琴。
寂寞是鋼琴斷了弦了那一鍵，只有妳聽得見聲音。
每個人心裡，都有一台鋼琴，有一首寂寞之歌。

【假裝】

因為妳太美麗，讓我無法轉移視線，所以，我只好假裝月光比妳更美，然後寫詩讚頌月光。
因為妳太像夢境，讓我無法清醒，所以，我只好假裝夢境比妳真實，然後捎信給我的真實。

我的感性和我的理性開始玩著捉迷藏，因為妳的出現。
我的理性當鬼，他總是比較愛強出頭。
我的感性躲在膽怯背後，他只偶爾探出個頭。

就算把天光月光星光都借來做顆鑽石給妳，我想都還是不夠的。
因為妳在我眼裡的光芒，已經超越了這所有。

這時，理性說: "冷靜點。"
這是，感性說: "勇敢點。"

而那封我自己寄給自己的真實，打開來看，卻是妳的夢境。
我閉上眼睛，輕輕地，在她微開的雙唇上，烙上我的愛情。

【夏天的尾巴】

夏天 ─ 火紅、熾熱、流動著青春的汗水、每秒鐘都蕩漾激情、反叛，義無反顧！

尾巴 ─ 聽說很久以前的人類都曾經擁有，但因為不知道其作用，尾巴也就漸漸的消失。 但，其實，每個人身上都有一條尾巴。

阿月(ENNO飾)是同學心目中是一個搖滾少女，養了一隻貓叫做『夏天』，阿月因為先天性心臟病而休學在家，只好每天跟『夏天』鬼混、彈吉他、到處遊蕩。

沒有去上學的時光，每一天都會有很多的發現，學校裡的超級資優生陳懷鈞(張睿家飾)竟然愛上老師，換來被學校退學的命運，於是街上又多了一個遊蕩的高中生。阿月坦誠的張開雙臂接納陳懷鈞的所有情緒，為他解圍。而陳懷鈞還不太明白患有心臟病的阿月，對生命的期待與熱情。

兩個輟學的高中生天天騎著單車，穿梭在稻田、水圳之間，他們找到一處大人管不到的地方，在高鐵下的一塊荒地。藍天下，他們號召同校的好友另一位資優生雯莉(林涵飾)與熱愛足球卻永遠最後一名的日本轉學生不破朗(藤岡靛飾)，他們就在這塊秘密基地放肆地玩樂。四個人的相聚成為一種互相安慰及鼓勵的力量，一起面對前途，一起享受玩樂，一起解救企圖自殺的沮喪父子。

在晴朗天空下，映照著四個大小孩各自心中的願望與秘密，無論生活是平凡或刺激、順利或挫折，總能將一切轉化的有趣。 這是一種取悅自己的能力，是上天的禮物，就像尾巴一樣，獨處的時候拿來玩樂，沒有目標的時候拿來追尋。

尾巴又有什麼作用呢？就是在找自己的快樂。

最近，心情比平時悸動。

在拿到身分證後，對我最大的益處莫過於踏上圖書之旅。文人畢竟是文人，愛文人，即聞人。讀了痞子蔡的【愛爾蘭咖啡】，感動得說不出話來，遲遲回憶思考，反覆咀嚼。藤井樹的【寂寞之歌】，更是讓人心酸，讓眼框不禁添了一層濕潤，染了一層淡紅。原來，每個人都有自己的寂寞，每個人都唱著自己的寂寞之歌。有的人用微笑帶過，如五月天所描述的 "妳的笑只是妳穿的保護色"。

對我而言，我比較喜歡聆聽 "寂寞在唱歌"，哪怕滄桑、悽涼。

但又或許，我只是妳的也許..

"請問要來點茶或咖啡?"
"咖啡。"
"請問您要哪種咖啡?"
"愛爾蘭咖啡。"
"需要加眼淚嗎?"
"..."

當她第一次替她調煮愛爾蘭咖啡時，因為激動而留下眼淚。為了怕被她看到，他用手指將眼淚擦去，然後偷偷用眼淚再愛爾蘭咖啡杯口畫了一圈。所以，第一口愛爾蘭咖啡的味道，帶著思念被壓抑許久所發酵的味道。

There's an apple tree, who loved a boy deeply.

Everyday, the boy would come and play with the tree. He would gather the leaves of the tree and made into a crown, and would pretend to be the king of the jungle. He would climb to the top of the tree and swing, while savoring the apples. Sometimes, they would play hide-and-seek. When the boy became tired, he would rest under the shelter. The boy loved the tree, and the tree was glad.

As time passed, the boy grew up.. The tree often felt lonely. One day, the boy appeared.

The tree said, 'Climb unto me, have some apples that your joy may be full.'
The boy said,' I have grown up, I no longer climb trees, I want to buy things to find my happiness, I need money, can you give me?'
The tree said, 'I'm sorry, I don't have money, only apples and leaves. Why don't you take the apples and sell them, that you joy may be full.'

Upon hearing that, the boy plucked all the apples. And he left. The tree was glad.

The boy went missing for a long time, and the tree felt very miserable. One day, the boy appeared, and with all comfort and joy, the tree waved its leaves and said,

'Come unto me, have a swing that your joy may be full.'
The boy said,' I'm too busy to climb tree. I need a house, I wanna get married and have kids. Can you give me a house?'
The tree said, 'I'm sorry, I don't have a house, the jungle is my home. But, you can cut away my branches to build a house, that your joy may be full.'

The boy cut off all the branches and went to build a house. The tree was glad.

Another long while went pass, and the boy was nowhere in sight. When he finally appeared, the tree was too happy to say anything, and gently she said,

'Let's play together..'
The boy said, 'I'm too old to play now, and I don't have the mood. I need a boat to bring me on a voyage, Can you give me one?'
The tree said, 'Why don't you cut down my trunk to make a boat, so that it can bring you on your journey, that your joy may be full.'

The boy chopped off the tree trunk, made a boat and went on a voyage. The tree was glad, but not truly.

A long time had passed, and the boy returned once again.

The tree said, 'I'm sorry, I have nothing else to give you now, I have no more apples.'
The boy said, 'My teeth no longer have strength to bite the apples.'
The tree said, 'I have no more branches for you to swing.'
The boy said, 'I'm too old to swing.'
The tree said, 'I have no more trunk for you to climb.'
The boy said, 'I'm too tired, too tired to climb.'
The tree sighed, 'I'm deeply sorrowful, I wish I can give you something, but I have nothing else to give, I'm just an old stump, I'm very sorry...'
The boy said, 'I don't need anything now, just a quiet place to sit and to rest, because I'm really tired.'
The tree said, 'oh..'
She strengthened her body and said, 'C'mon, child, an old tree stump is a good resting place, have a seat, have a seat, have a good rest.'

The boy sat down, and the tree was glad..

~AN ODE TO ALL MOTHERS~

或許，反正都一個人慣了，去哪裡都無所謂吧.. 貳拾叁歲的九局下半，我應該反省覺悟，還是當它只是個美麗的錯誤..

天冷就回來

從前對著收音機學唱舊的歌
我問媽媽為什麼傷心像快樂
媽媽笑著說她也不懂得
我想出去走一走哦媽媽點點頭

天冷你就回來
別在風中徘徊
哦媽媽眼裏有明白還有一絲無奈
天冷我想回家童年已經不在
昨天的雨點撒下來那滋味叫作愛

Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)
theysaid their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes

women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

不用回家了

After spoken to the Embassy, I realized that I'm now an official fugitive on the run. I can't renew my passport and I can't travel out of this place. I postponed my air ticket indefinitely, and my family will fly in instead. Gonna be confined in a place of less than 700 sq km, till another government takes me in.

I was all excited when I received my PR certificate, only to realize that the $100 for the re-entry permit is now totally useless, since I'm an invalid.

Just watched 赤壁2，beautiful!

Today, the unthinkable happened.

As I approached the AR accountant, she resisted me as usual. However, I did not relent. I looked straight into her eyes, and as our eyes met, she sat down and took out a pair of scissors. My heart skipped a beat. She began to cut the loose thread from my shirt..

No wonder girls are beautiful, to a certain extent.

有誰來買我的火柴?

有時候，不管我怎麼追，我都追不到.. 所以，我決定不再追尋自己的影子，而追尋妳的..

Once, I thought, we'd hold on together.. 曾經我以為，我們能一起走下去..

It's hasn't been long since we met, but it's been a long while despite that. The upheavals and the valleys, the storms and the quakes. Been there, done that. But what's the aftermath? Scores of pain..

It's hard to say goodbye, because who'd bear to part the precious in his life? The ones whom he cherish, the ones whom he supported and encouraged. I thought you were behind me all along, till I turn around, and I saw no one. Alas! You were beside me all along..

After I'm gone, hopefully, you'd realize that I'm with you all along.. 或許在我離開妳之後，你會發覺，我一直都在妳身邊..

I''m sorry.. 對不起

As I dashed out of the salon, you came chasing out. I know it ain't your fault, coz you were not told that I've been waiting for 30min or so. I dashed across the road, and the bus came. Through the window, I could see you gazing far and wide. When I saw the glimpse in your eyes, I felt terrible because of the guilt that sparked from your eyes. Yes, you called, but I ignored, because I didn't know how to face your guilt.

The gaze that you gave, the searching for a runaway friend, was all that mattered, because at least you cared..

Tired, seriously tired.. 我真的累了，累到我無法衡量..

曾經我以為，你會是那一顆，永遠屬於我的糖果。
但是對妳而言，我不過就只是一張漂亮的糖果紙。
妳從來都不懂得去珍惜，所以我決定放棄了。

我一直以為，做一個好女朋友，付出一切，都能得到相同回報，所以我一直很努力。
可是，想不到，對你而言，我只是一顆過甜的糖果，一下子就膩了。

我就是你要的那顆糖果，有一天，妳會發現，除了我，再也沒有別人。
就算妳再拆開多少的糖果紙，永遠都不會忘記我。

甜甜的，苦苦的，酸酸的，辣辣的，澀澀的，麻麻的，刺刺的，涼涼的，冰冰的，傻傻的，痛痛的，開心的，悲傷的...

The day I fall asleep 沉睡之日

Please don't call it a funeral, because it sounds too solemn. You know I love to share whatever I love, hence, let's call it Music, Movies and Memories. I wish to share all that I love with all whom I've loved for the last time before I'm gone. Please invite all my love ones to the MMM that shall last for 3 nights. During the whole event, please only serve my favorite Shandy and Singapore Sling, please decorate the whole place with the best lighting, you know that I love all things beautiful.

You know my love for music and my passion for performance in a live band. Please put up a band performance on the first night, with some of my favorite songs by Coldplay, May Day and Wu Bai & China Blue. You know I love lights, please don't give me boring lights. Please dress me up in my favorite Levi's jeans and my usual black top, as I enjoy the performance in the white still box.

You know I love movies. The second night would be movie screening of some of my favorite movies such as 五月之戀，藍色大門，冏男孩，生日快樂，海角七號，Elizabethtown, Serendipity, P.S. I Love You and Pay It Forward. These movies have accompanied me over the years, and I wish that they will accompany you too! Please remember to dress me up in a Hugo Boss suit, it is my dream suit.

You know I love photography. The final night would be wine, food and art, with the flash back of the thousands of photos I've captured during my life time. Every photo captures a moment, every moment displays an expression, and every expression tells of a story. I wish I can increase my collection from now till then. Please serve my dream Shaw and Smith Sauvignon Blanc. I've had no chance to try it since I started work at Raffles Hotel. Please serve my favorite steak, salad and soup, not forgetting salmon sashimi. I would really love to dress up in 中山裝 that night!

Please don't shed a tear, because you have not left me, but I have left you. I wish to have you with me in the final indulgence. Throughout the day, my favorite OSTs will accompany you. Throughout the night, the music, movies and memories will embrace you. Thank you, thank you for walking the walk with me.

P.S. I Love You

Reliance 依賴

Sometimes, we tend to rely on something or someone. Having stayed in ORQ for 4 days, I began to have a reliance on the environment and the people, unknowingly. It is a rare week because a few of us are back in office at the same time. I am back in Loyang today, and the sudden change in environment and people took me aback, even though this is my favorite client. I began to do up an ARPs. It seems that the love for my friends are much greater than the love for client.

I couldn't really sleep last night, as I tossed and turned till the break of dawn. 昨晚，輾轉反側，直到黎明破曉前。

Thaddeus once taught me this, parting makes the heart fonder..

Finding a reason to stay on, finding a reason to move on..

Beautiful day..

Today, I reached office at about 0945hr, then rushed off to do statutory review at PwC level 11 at 1030hr, and met Kenneth Boey at PwC level 10 at 1110hr. He brought me to the vending machine and pressed lots of biscuits for me! That vending machine is really interesting..

After which, lunch and dessert at Amoy, and tea at Mr Teh Tarik. I finally reached Loyang at 1330hr, and knocked off at 1730hr, before reaching ORQ at about 1930hr. I think I'm a spokesman for Johnnie Walker. The interesting thing is that Kenneth actually e-mailed me last week, wanting to arrange for a meal. I actually planned it in April or May after peak, but things turned out accroding to his words, that's just amazing!

Monday was 元宵. My landlord actually cooked while Aunty also invited me over for Sukiyaki. What's that? I didn't know Suzuki can be eaten.. It was superb! I had tons of my favorite beef and pork, cooked to 99%, tender and juicy!

Navigating through the peak with caution and care...

And so, today is Yan Yan's last day..

總算踏上白雲崗，總算踏入博文軒，相隔四年的告別，再次重逢心喜悅。

It was a beautiful night, a night under the open sky, a night lit with fun. Greeting us was the 10th cohort of NY LEP, come to think about it, 5 years have gone. Who I am today is attributed to the love and care of our beloved teachers. They showered me with faith, they believed in me without waivering, they gave me time to pick myself up when I stumbled and fell, they watched me since the very first day..

陸老師 was recollecting how she first met me during the 1st 3 months, how she chatted with me for a long time, how she was puzzled by a SA boy trying to enrol into LEP, how a young boy has grown to a fine young man. But who am I? A fruit of their labor.

Seeing the smile on their faces, every wrinkle speaks of a story. The years have gone by, with many lives changed and touched. I am who I am today, because someone believed and believes and continue to believe in me. Thank you for the many someone...

"原來你是阿們的"
"阿們"

這兒月色矇矓，瀰漫着情人的夢想，有着彷彿王子救公主的情節，留戀着依依不捨的感情，流露着無限的思念。思念滙成了一條河，婉延在高山綠林裡，直流到容不下愛情的海洋裡。

稚氣的笑聲，小小的酒窩，我再次走進了童年。這裡無憂無慮，只有大自然的擁抱，只有你我的擁抱。雁過也，正傷心，偏是舊時相識時。

殷切與盼望，期待與渴望。走着走着，我又回到了最初的地方。拖著拖着，我又回到了我們夢想交織的地方。這裡的藍天白雲，這裡的湖中倒影，這裡的點點滴滴，這裡的美妙歡喜..

P.S. i luv you

Last Sunday, I reached home tired and hungry, so hungry that I almost started shivering..

After a long day of verifying the proxy forms for an EGM, I was really exhausted. Working on Sunday ain't something I enjoy, but the serenity and peace found in Raffles Place was exceptionally overwhelming. Perhaps, it was because nobody was out there, just like the scene in I Am Legend.

When I finally reached home, I was greeted with a table full of dishes! It was my landlord's wife's birthday, so she prepared a feast. I was astonished and overjoyed, because, the last time I had home cooked food at home and from home was donkey years ago. It's not the food, it's the feeling.. So I sat down and began savoring the bak ku teh, the omelette, the prawns, the chicken and the vegetables, I felt totally spoiled, totally satisfied..

This week is good, knocked off at 8, 8, 9, 6 and tomorrow will be 1. I guess the first week was just to mould me, just to shape me, so that even when such shit occurs, I can brave through the storm. What else can I say?

I am blessed!

Though last week was hell, this week is like the opposite.

Pulled out from Changi yesterday, and I could choose either to take leave for Thursday and Friday, or I could choose to go for another job. Of course, I'd choose the later. So I tagged along to my senior's client's place at Shipyard Road. As I've been there for stock take before, the place didn't seem that foreign. Amazingly, the assistant GM actually came to say hi to me!

And so, I reached home before 7pm today, but of course, I continued to tie the top-trial until now. But at least, I'm home.. Gotta be back in ORQ at 6pm tomorrow, after which, EDB.

Thank God!

有時的麻醉..

有時的失眠..

有時的孤獨..

有時的沉默..

有時的空虛..

讓我了解原來我不是因為寂寞而想你…而是因為想你而寂寞…